I Get A Kick Out of You
by Nehszriah
Summary: Sinatra's greatness combined with everyone's favorite mazoku. What more could one want?


So I had printed out the lyrics for the below songfic and was looking at them the other day in an attempt to find out what I could write about. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I took out my orange marker and wrote "Sore wa himitsu desu" in really big letters on the paper, laughing maniacally. I do not own _Slayers _or the ever-so-coverable songs of Frank Sinatra. Three cheers for Frankie and my first Xellos-centric work.

* * *

I Get A Kick Out of You

_My story is much too sad to be told_

_...but practically everything leaves me totally cold_

_The only exception I know is the case_

_When I'm out on a quiet spree_

_Fighting vainly the old on wing_

_...and I suddenly turn and see your fabulous face_

Xellos Metallium was bored out of his mind. What was an extremely handsome, debonaire and important immortal being such as himself supposed to do to pass the time?

He could try playing checkers with Zelas again, but he was almost mauled to shreds the last time he proposed that idea. Apparently, his master was not too keen on the idea of doing anything fun and enjoyable unless it caused others pain.

There was the idea of visiting some fellow mazoku, but at the last picnic the mazoku lords hosted, he sort of made a fool out of himself by drinking about a half dozen bottles too much as far as sake was concerned. He could not muster up the courage to go and see any of the other mazoku for a while, not as long as what he referred to as "_The Incident_" was still fresh in their minds. Sure he had the capabilities to annihilate every single last one with a wave of his staff, but then that would mean there would be less to destroy later. It was the principal of the matter really. No socializing for two thousand three hundred fifty-eight years more and that was final.

Then the perfect idea came to him. If immortals were too dull and blase to be around, he knew of some mortals that would be prefect to pass the time with!

Xellos gave one of his eerie grins before dematerializing into thin air. He certainly was a smart, good-looking devil, that was for sure.

_I get no kick from champagne_

_Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all_

_So tell me why should it be true_

_That I get a kick out of you?_

It made him snigger, watching over the redheaded sorceress as she tried to blast her way through the large door before her that had been carved out of the cavern wall. He had rumored part of the Claire Bible to be behind that door and Lina Inverse quickly took notice and took time off her current quest so that she could barge right into his planned trap. Now he had his perch high in the cavern, watching over the small group of travelers as they emitted nice and tasty anger for Xellos to nosh on.

"Fireball!" Lina shouted. Her spell collided with the door, creating a fairly large explosion, though not even scratching the surface.

"Let me try," said Zelgadis as he pushed Lina aside, making her tumble into Gourry. "Dug Haut!" The ground turned into spikes, going this way and that, but they could not pierce the door.

Xellos viciously grinned as he collected the negativity of the air around him. They were such easy pawns to manipulate, it should have almost been a crime to be that easy. Yes, they were simply pawns. How else would he get his entertainment? By playing with rooks? As if that was ever going to happen.

_Some, they may go for cocaine_

_I'm sure that if I took even one sniff_

_It would bore me terrifically too_

_Yet I get a kick out of you_

"I don't think this is going to work," Xellos heard Filia say. His ears perked up. The dragon priestess was with the pawns? How special! Her attitude was very tasty in particular. Consuming it was like having an orgasm of sorts. Then again, Xellos would not know, no matter how suave and charming of a man he was. That sort of thing... that _love _and _lust _stuff, made his stomach churn even when he simply thought about it. He then decided to materialize right behind the young blonde woman, shocking everyone there.

"Giving up already? I never knew that you dragons were such quitters," he mocked. A chill ran up Filia's spine and tail.

"NAMAGOMI!" she cried, whipping out her all-purpose mace and swung it at him.

"Ah, ah, ah, no violence now," he teased. Might as well get his full meal's worth. "You dragons, all you want to do is fight. It is so crude."

"You mazoku only want to cause trouble!" Filia barked back. There came the anger. Xellos closed his eyes and moaned. The only reason he had not killed her yet was because of that anger she possessed. Yes, truly orgasmic.

"What are you doing here Xellos?" Lina spat. The poised mazoku glanced over at the redhead that was emitting such a spicy blend of anger, it was almost too much for him to handle, like a five alarm chili would be for a simple human of the sensitive-tasted variety. He raised one finger and opened an eye, ready for his awe-inspiring catchphrase.

"Sore wa himitsu desu."

...and to believe he came up with that all by himself. A cunning gent he was.

_I get a kick every time I see you standing there before me_

_I get a kick, though it's clear to see_

_You obviously do not adore me_

"You hold still so I can kill you!" Filia screamed as she swung her mace around blindly in a vain attempt to off Xellos. Now, no one could ever off Xellos. He was too charming for that. Well, charming was not the exact word one would use. Beguiling, maybe. He really did not care. Beguiling did sound more vicious though. "Charming" was used for fairytales and well, those made him about as ill as lust did. Damn those simpleton's tales.

"Just try to catch me Fi-chan!" he laughed evilly. Of course, he knew that calling the foul beast by a pet name would anger her even more, which is generally what he wanted.

"Here, let me help!" Lina yelled, casting a Flame Arrow. Xellos gracefully avoided the attack and enjoyed all that dark emotion. He noticed however, that the other three were not giving him any entertainment or food. He looked over to see Amelia, Gourry and Zelgadis sitting and standing over by the stone door, Zelgadis attempting to read the inscription on the door's facade.

Well, at least he was able to get two of them pissed.

_I get no kick in a plane_

_Flying too high with some gal in the sky_

_Is my idea of nothing to do_

Filia's body began to glow, an aura erupting from it in slick waves of emotion. She was transforming! Huzzah! More food! At the rate things were going, Xellos feared that he might start to get fat. Oh well. He did promise Gaav that he would go jogging with him a week from Wednesday. The purple-haired priest gave a smooth smile as the golden she-dragon roared in her natural form, emitting more anger, frustration, hatred.

"I'm going to get you!" she bellowed. Xellos thus began the chase. Ah, how he would miss these mortals once they were gone. Maneuvering through the cavern, dodging teeth and an Elmekia lance here and there, Xellos grinned before disappearing into midair.

Being the instigator sure was fun, especially if the door in the cavern wall was just a carving.

_Yet I get a kick_

_You give me a boot_

_I get a kick out of you_


End file.
